My Testimony A Reflection on My Trials: An Uplifting Testament

Una reflexión sobre mis pruebas: un testamento edificante



Hello! I hope all is well with you. I have something to tell you. Please before you read this, grab your favorite drink coffee or tea and find a comfortable place to sit for awhile as you read this... my testimony. The Lord has prepared my heart to share this finally with you. I was a little anxious at first, but I prayed about because I never just really laid it out and especially not on this open space we call the internet. But, I think it's time for me share a reflection on my trials because I truly believe God is using me for His glory to share the wonderful things He has done in my life. 


 My Testimony: The fall, the redemption, and the restoration.

The Fall:


The ugly is very often overwhelmingly, but the idea of it being “ugly” is a lie. - Unknown  

Early in my childhood, my parents divorced when I was 5 years old. I wrote a public open letter to my father about a year go. My memories at this age are  vague, I believe because of the trauma I experienced at the age of 7 years old. I was sexual abused (COCSA) by a family member. I don't remember much about how long it went on but enough to share that it happened to me. I think I just blocked it out most of my memory. But, I've been healed from the pain and the memories I once had. I went to therapy learning how to seek forgiveness (find inner peace for myself and work through the healing process) and understanding its not my fault and was out of my control. I really wanted to leave this part out, but I'm using my voice to speak out against any form of abuse. It isn't right and its NOT ok. If you feel that you need to talk with someone something similar or relatable, you can reach out to RAINN to talk with someone confidential via phone or chat.

At the age of 12, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I was baptized. I attended a small church located within my neighborhood it was only about a block from where I’d lived. My first cousin, would pick me, my sister, and my brother up every Sunday morning for church. She is a lot older than I am and  her mother is the second oldest of 7 and my mother was the youngest of 7. When I was younger, I would always get confused because of our age difference she could pass as my aunt. When she would pick us up for church in the morning, I cannot recall the name of the church, but it was an Episcopal church. What I can remember during service was communion, the priest would ask the congregation to kneel on a kneeler before holy communion. This is traditional in Episcopal churches taking holy communion by kneeling as the priest has a chalice in one hand and on the other hand, he holds the host (bread) to serve the members of the church. There were two choices you can have the bread dip and eat the bread immediately, or you can eat the bread and sip from the chalice. Kneeling is also a traditional posture in the Episcopal church during prayers and when receiving communion. When someone kneels to pray or give a confession is an expression of penitence, supplication, and humility. During service, we would also be singing hymns or a selection of scriptures as the priest would speak along with readings, prayers, and hymns. I have a very vague memory at this age, but I served in the church as an acolyte. Acolytes assist the priest in Episcopal churches by lighting the candles on the altar before service and as well extinguishing them after services. There is one clear memory I have about Easter service where we had a program about the birth of Jesus Christ in the manger. I cannot recall what role I played or who I was, but I participated. I served in this church; I believe right up until I graduated high school.


After graduating high school, I went away for college at age 18 in Louisiana. There were some dark times or trials I faced during the three years I attended college away far from home in Texas. I just went left, partying, drinking, fornication, and an abortion. What I thought was living a purposeful life by doing meaningless, sinful things which furthered my distance from God because of my iniquities. I decided to return home and attend college in Texas. I thought by escaping the darkness, or the problems that I didn’t have to face I could leave it all behind. But my relationship with God was thoughtless and unheard of because of my lifestyle and the way I assumed what a relationship with God looked like by simply only believing in Him. I did another three years at a college in Denton, TX. I found a small upcoming church located across from the college campus I attended. I felt that I needed to seek more of who God is and find healing from the darkness that was in my life. Attending the local church wasn’t enough to notice that I continued to live unrighteous because my mind and flesh were still hostile toward God. I continued to seek relationships with others, guys that I assumed being with someone would help me or heal me from the past I ran away from. But I again found myself in a relationship with a guy whom I assumed we were dating for a year, only to find out that I was just for his pleasure with no strings attached. Attending church wasn’t the answer I needed, seeking a relationship with Jesus Christ is where I needed to start to heal from the outside out.


After returning home in 2003, I decided to take a break from school and find something meaningful to do in my life. I decided to find a job and it was hard during this time the year of a recession. I had attended two colleges in 6 years and had nothing to show besides a transcript with lots of credits and no degree plan. I worked for an energy company in 2004 as a temp for a small company at the time. I was an enrollment specialist, so I worked in a back office, with glass windows where I could see my manager’s window view. As I worked, I loved having my headphones on and listening to gospel music artists such as Kirk Franklin’s album, “The Fight of My Life.” One of my favorite records of his at that time his songs would minister to me as I worshiped and worked. It seemed to help my day go faster listening to music and working. I remember one day receiving a book from my manager called “Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey. I browsed this book a few times, but I did not take it seriously, so I just stashed it somewhere at my mom’s house. At work, as a temp, I was responsible for turning in your timesheet every week. At the end of each week, I had to turn in my time. There were times I would stay about an hour over because my manager had asked if I would like overtime. So, each week I would keep track of my time and write it down on my timesheet including overtime. One evening, after work, I and a close working friend at that time for some reason decided to see if we could write down extra time for working and we assumed no one would notice the changes. After leaving work that evening, walking to the parking garage, my friends’ cellphone was ringing. My friend noticed the caller ID said the agency we both were working as temps for. My friend answered the call, and I did make out the conversation of what was said on the phone. But after they hung up the phone my friend said, they had just let them go and their assignment had ended. The first thought that came across my mind was they found out about our timesheets. Minutes after my friend got off the phone, my phone began to ring. I was also told my assignment had ended I was no longer to return. Once I got home, something told me to write an apology email to my former managers for my actions. I wrote an apology email to them both and took accountability for my actions. I did not receive an email reply, but I felt it was doing the right thing considering the consequences I would face. The following day, I believe I received a call to come into the temp office that afternoon. I spoke with the agency manager and was told the energy company I worked for was considering filing charges against me. I was afraid and I was shocked because I did not consider my actions or the consequences that I would have to face. I recall feeling very emotional and resentful of my actions. I confessed my wrongdoing and how it would never happen. How did I not see the sin in my life? How did I not see the wrong or the consequences I could face? I could not believe once again; I would find myself walking a dark and lonely path. I prayed and asked God for forgiveness, and I knew there was no way I could have escaped the pit of hell if it wasn’t for God’s grace during this dark time in my life.


In year 2005, I started dating my husband. I think year two into our dating we decided to move in together. I didn’t have a job at the time and financially things were getting tough for us both to manage the bills. My mother was not pleased at the time about my decision to move in we weren’t married, but now I look back and understand why that wasn’t the best decision. After 2 years, I decided to move back home with my mom. I was able to find a job working at an investment firm for a temp agency for data entry. I worked there for about a year and left because I wanted to find something meaningful to do. I went to a trading school and became a Certified Nurse Aide (CNA). The program was only for 8 months. I received my certification after I completed the program, but I was so ungrateful of earning starting a new career only to make $7.25 per hour. How unselfish was I? My ungrateful thoughts because I thought I deserved much more with no experience. My life was already upside down from seeking meaningless things and trying to look past the darkness I had left behind.


“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us--- for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree.” Galatians 3:13


“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9


 The Redemption


In year 2008, I remember coming across a book, which was the pivotal spiritual turning point in my life. The Purpose of Driven Life: What on Earth Are We Here For? by Rick Warren. After I read the book, I realized what I thought was meaningful in life, wasn’t at all. There was more to the things on earth or things I would seek in place of God who created me to be in his likeness and image. I needed to seek the things that were pleasing to God. “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33. I started attending my church, Living Word Fellowship Church biblical-based non-denominational teaching by Pastor Dr. Paul Cannings. It was the very first time in my life, that I started taking my walk seriously with the Lord. Maybe, I just had a misconception of what living out the word of God because not many people who I surrounded myself with were living it out. 1 Corinthians 15:33 reads, “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals”. “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to follow all that I commanded you; and behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20. I start to surround myself with like-minded people who are seeking The Word of God it’s essential to our walk as Christian to fellowship with other believers. 1 John 1:7 “but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” “Therefore, if there is an encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent one purpose.” Philippians 2:1-2. The relationships that I had as friends started to grow apart because of my relationship with God. I needed to set boundaries for my spiritual growth not with intentions of not being a friend but learning what it meant to be a friend with Jesus. “No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends because all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” My relationship with Jesus Christ is vital because he called me His friend. And when I remember the “ugly” I went through, “the beauty” is God redeeming me from the darkness of my past. Jesus Christ died for my past-- sins. I don’t live by the law, because of the covenant of God by sending Jesus Christ my savior to have a new life in Him. “For God so loved the world He gave us His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” John 3:16. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21. So, all that He’d counted lost in my life, was for His purpose, my good, bringing God glory because of his grace. “He will never leave you; never will He forsake you” (me). Hebrews 13:5. My life is an epistle, a living, breathing, walking letter of God’s goodness, glory, and grace!  I am a child of God. My new identity in Christ is a life of love, meaning, and purpose.




Sanctification – the action of making or declaring something holy. The action or process of being freed from sin or purified. The action of causing something to be or seem morally right or acceptable. Literally means “to set apart for special use or purpose”. I’m not perfect. But God I don’t have to feel ashamed of my flaws because I know God is faithful and just create in me a clean heart, God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 The Christian life is a marathon, not a sprint. I did not change overnight, things I struggled with, my attitude because I would rather be sarcastic than humble myself and speak with kindness. I never said bad words towards anyone I would say sarcastic things if I felt like at that time in my life I wasn’t heard. Most of this happened during my first 3-4 years of marriage (2012) with my husband. I am so grateful, for my husband’s patience with me. He was bold to speak against that sarcastic spirit when I would say hurtful things. “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” James 3:6 I had to learn to hold my tongue and use words of edification. Getting upset or sarcastic because the trash wasn’t taken out. As I continue to pray that God will “search me, God, and know my heart; Put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts. And see if there is any hurtful way in me. And lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23-23 I could not continue to speak words if my new identity in Christ was to live a life pleasing to Him. The old man (woman) that I was before had to put on the new man (woman) identity that was in him. (Ephesians 4:22-24) It wasn’t easy, but God has restored in me a new heart and I no longer am a slave to the sin of sarcasm. God has given me new nature and a relationship with Him to do everything for His glory. If it doesn’t glorify Him then, I’m not living a life pleasing to Him. Change isn’t always something easy that we face or must endure the hard parts of life we struggle with. But Jesus doesn’t change he is the same, today, yesterday, and tomorrow. My behavior needed to transform because he created in me a new person. I had to learn to speak with grace and show humility in difficult situations. For being married for 12+ years with my husband God has taught me many things about how to be a wife to my husband. Continuing, humbling myself before him as a wife. Applying God’s word daily and getting involved in the marriage ministry to witness other couples married and how they witness God in their marriage. What being married has taught me is my husband isn’t my enemy. It seems easy to judge someone without understanding their reasoning for why they behave the way they do. And I was so focused on my husband’s flaws, that I could not see how broken I was and struggling with my past. Renewing my mind, Romans 12:2 daily and allowing the Holy Spirit to prompt me to be humble instead of anxious thoughts. God’s Word has transformed how I think and see things from God’s perspective. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, “declares the Lord.”

Isaiah 55:8


I believe, there is a misconception some people have about sanctification. Change doesn’t just happen overnight. It’s walking with Jesus Christ daily, carrying your cross and having fellowship with Him. It’s a process because God has said, He who began a good work in you, will perfect it unto the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6. He has promised us if we remain faithful, he will do so when he returns. We are never alone when we walk with Him. I’ve studied this by continuing to meditate on His word, day and night. But as well as learning to fellowship with other believers of the faith. I continue to serve other areas of my church – The Women’s ministry. I enjoy listening to the stories and wisdom of other women older and younger than me because they are teaching me through their experiences and relationships and how God has shown them grace. “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to everyone.” Titus 2:11. Recently, we had a Women’s’ conference for “Generations Live Conference 2024”, it was a joyful event, hearing the speakers of the event Jackie Perry, Ashley Phillips, Dr. Anita Phillips, and Mom Winan’s. I have a lot of notes I can reference back on for studying. The conference was a live simulcast hosted by the Women’s ministry at our church. There were breaks we took for lunch and as well for prompting concerns or questions we felt weren’t discussed often in the church such as mental health, menopause, or sex. I’m so glad, I was able to meet different women in the room and hear them share their stories.

Overall, my experience was humbling to witness and serve the generations within my church. “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in how they live, not to be slanderers or addicted too much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:3-5 I am a living witness to God’s faithfulness and mercy. I find joy in uplifting other women through scripture. I have had a passion for arts & crafts since I was a teenager which is how I found my gift and purpose in creating gifts using hand lettering since I started my business in 2016. I have met more women online and in person over the last few years than I probably met before and all of us have one thing in common. We love the Lord our God with all our hearts and souls.


I pray God will continue to use me to be a light and a vessel for His glory alone. I am reminded all the time when I serve others I am serving the Lord. So, I will continue to show reverence and worship because He is a good, good, Father. If it had not been for His grace, my life would not look as it is today. But I am so grateful for His grace for Him to choose me. You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. This is command you, that you love one another.” John 15:16-17 

Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony. I hope that it in many ways to see the light and goodness of how faithful God has been in my life. I pray that when God puts it on your heart to share your testimony with others. Remember, God loves you and he sees you. You are worthy of His grace because you are a child of God. 

If you like, please comment and share. Be blessed.

In Him,





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